Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
