ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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