I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
