I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
