brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
