I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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