I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
