What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
