I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
