its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
