I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
