dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
