Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
