I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
