I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
