We named our party play list daddy issues
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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