Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
