new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
