How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
