Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
