I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
