Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
