im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
