Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
