I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
