After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
