Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
