Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
