whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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