The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
