He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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