im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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