Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
