I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
