If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
