Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
