the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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