but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
