I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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