I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
