when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
