all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
