currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
