You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
