you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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