I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
