with your own penis?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
