The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
