you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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