No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
